


Find a Way (to break the fall)

by amethyst-noir (Arbonne)



Series: Prompt Collection [10]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: ALL IN THE PAST, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Rape/Non-con Elements, Tony being there for Stephen, and not described at all, poor stephen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 19:54:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16165850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arbonne/pseuds/amethyst-noir
Summary: Stephen didn't think about it anymore. It had been buried deep beneath all the other shit he'd had to live through in the last couple of years and it didn't impact his day to day life in any way whatsoever.Until the day it does.





	Find a Way (to break the fall)

**Author's Note:**

> After I posted [The Gravity of Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16104992/) I got this prompt from Anon:  
>  _i enjoyed the inclusion of tony sort of… whoring himself in that last fic. Would it be possible to write an au more centered around that subject? maybe stephen had to sell himself to get through medical school and sometimes it wasn't consensual? It thats too much i understand! Just figured it might help some people who deal with that_
> 
> I don't write non-con but I can do a consequences years after the fact story. Sorry Stephen. Mind the tags, please.

Stephen didn't think about it anymore. It had been buried deep beneath all the other shit he'd had to live through in the last couple of years and it didn't impact his day to day life in any way whatsoever. His nightmares were of dying in a myriad of ways, one more painful than the other, not reliving the ancient past.

It wasn't as if he was looking for someone or that someone to be another man; he was too busy living, learning and protecting.

So it was an unpleasant surprise for both of them when one day Tony grabbed him by the hips to move him out of the way and Stephen _flinched_. Hard. He froze on the spot a second after and Tony put up his arms and backed away as if afraid of an attack. Only then he'd noticed that he'd put up his hands in a classic defensive position, his magic tingling in his fingers to fight off the threat.

"Stephen?" Tony asked, more confused than afraid but a hint of fear lurked in his eyes and voice. He still had trouble with magic, especially the offensive kind. And to have a friend threatening him...

_Shit._ Stephen knew almost immediately why he'd reacted like that, of course. He still felt Tony's hands on his hips, even though it had only lasted for a moment and his grip had been gentle. But suddenly he could feel bruises on his skin, beneath the layers of clothes he wore, and it was as if it had happened yesterday. All his carefully constructed barriers - broken down in an instant by an innocent touch.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I've just…" He didn't even try to explain further, just turned around and vanished as soon as the portal had formed.

*

The same night his nightmares gained a new flavor - old and new elements mixing together to form a new kind of torment that was worse than ever before. Worse than the dreams about the accident; far more devastating than the dreams about dying in the dark dimension or the ones about his fight against Thanos. There he had been able to do something, to fight, be active, _resist_ , despite his hands being almost useless. He hadn't been a victim by choice without any power. Helpless and desperate. The only thing that came close was the sensation of losing himself and fading away into nothing.

Now, all the combined trauma gave him a whole new appreciation of the term "night terror" that went so far that he started to research ways for forgoing sleep altogether. Unfortunately, escaping into his astral form while his body rested wasn't a long-term solution. Okay for a couple of days - or even weeks if necessary - but it put too much stress on his body and the toll would only get higher and higher the longer he used this escape.

Plus, there was Tony. The man who had backed off considerably since Stephen's flight and whose presence was sorely missed. Tony, who could be an emotional idiot but was more than perceptive enough to see that something was off and by now was probably worried sick that he had done something wrong.

Their friendship had started off strong and had only gotten stronger in the months since Thanos' defeat. Playful banter had become more, the flirting too and… oh. There it was, the reason for his reaction to Tony's innocent touch.

Stephen felt so stupid he could have hit himself. Instead, he forced himself to look away from his book and at his resting body. In sleep it looked innocent, only the still shaking hands betraying that something was not quite right with it. It had brought him some much pain and misery over the years but it still didn't deserve the treatment he put it through now. _He_ deserved better. He put his book aside with very slow and precise movements, took a deep breath and tried to force away the images from his youth that wanted to destroy his hard-won peace. He pushed away the memories of strangers with cruel hands and too much strength and tried to imagine what he wanted instead.

Himself, curled up in bed, Tony behind him, holding him loosely, both of them relaxed in their sleep. No nightmares, just peace. For both of them.

_I want this._

With a sick feeling in his stomach he went back into his body, knowing that this little fantasy would probably never play out. Others would.

The nightmare of a thousand needles piercing his flesh everywhere, while Ebony Maw had his way with him woke him a short while later.

He awoke in tears, his hands on fire, and with the knowledge that he owed it to himself to do something, anything to make it stop.

*

He tried the mystic arts and the other Masters, of course. Made his farewells to a disappointed and wondering Tony and vanished to Kamar-Taj. Tried to lose himself in research and training but also visited the healers. Meditated, tried to find peace with his choices back then. Told himself over and over again that it wasn't his fault, that it was time to move on. It did help, a little, but not enough.

_You need therapy._ The voice of Doctor Strange, MD, became louder with every passing day. Stephen knew it was the truth, but still he resisted. He was stronger than that. He'd gotten over it on his own before, he could do it again. _And you've it done so well the first time_ , his inner doctor mocked him. Stephen began to hate the logical, rational part of himself but finally conceded defeat.

 

*

"Stephen! You're back!" Tony came nearer, his hands spread out wide. "Greetings from this earthly realm, oh Master of the Mystic Arts! Welcome back on this plane of existence!"

Stephen just had to smile at the sheer joy in Tony's voice and roll his eyes at the words, but the smile dropped when Tony came to a standstill before they could embrace. His arms were still open. _He's waiting for me to make the next step_ , Stephen realized and suddenly wanted to cry. Instead, he forced the smile back onto his face and stepped into the embrace of his friend. Tony obviously suspected what had set him off weeks ago because while he held Stephen in a tight embrace he was very careful to keep his hands high up on Stephen's back.

After a moment of internal fight Stephen just gave up and let himself collapse into the hold, trusting Tony to catch him.

Tony, of course, did, without a word. Except a soft: "I've missed you." 

* 

"How did you know?", he asked about an hour later. He held a hot cup of tea in his hands to keep them as steady as possible and force his mind to be in the present.

Tony gave him a look as if he was earth's biggest idiot. "I touch you on the hips and your first instinct is to raise a defensive shield? I might not get people, as I'm reminded over and over again, but know that kind of reaction." He looked away and played with his own cup of coffee. "I'm sorry. I've never said that, didn't I? You never did give any indication that my touch wouldn't be welcome or I would never have…"

_Why? How? Did somebody hurt you or was it someone you love?_ Every protective instinct he possessed reared up and demanded to know the answers, to extract revenge. "I didn't," he said instead. "It didn't occur to me since it's not something I've thought about… in a long time. It happened when I was a student, barely in my twenties. Practically three lifetimes away. It took me as much by surprise as you." 

"Stephen." Tony put his coffee down and focused all of his attention on him. It was like being in the focus of the sun itself, wonderful and terrifying in equal measures. "You don't have to explain anything."

"But what if I want to?" The words had slipped out before he thought about the consequences. He had played with the idea after he'd concluded that therapy might work for him but he couldn't imagine talking to a stranger. He needed someone he already trusted, who already knew about his crazy life and his experiences in the last few years. He had thought about approaching Wong but as close as their friendship was he just couldn't imagine talking about… _that_ with him. Or any of the other masters. The thought of speaking about this to Christine, the only other friend he hadn't managed to alienate, was just as unappealing. Surprisingly, or maybe not, he could imagine to do so with Tony Stark. Most people might not believe it but the man could be a great listener who had brilliant insights. "Forget it," he said a moment later. There was no way he was putting even more pressure on Tony, he had already more than enough demons of his own.

"Forget it?" Tony echoed. "Seriously? You listened to me rave and rant about pretty much everything under the sun and then you want to deny me the chance of doing the same for you?" He suddenly looked a lot more vulnerable, as if remembering something unpleasant. As always when he was uncomfortable with something he was rubbing his left shoulder. "I'm here, I'm free for the next, oh, four to five days, longer if necessary." He leaned back on the couch, folded his hands into his lap and stared at Stephen. "You talking, me talking, just staring at each other thinking about how pretty we are… it's your choice."

Not everything was lost when Tony was still low-key flirting with him and it served as a reminder that Tony didn't suddenly see him in a completely different light. Stephen closed his eyes, relieved. He carefully put his tea aside and stared at his shaking hands.

"Whatever gruesome scenario you might have conjured up it wasn't like that," he began and grimaced immediately. "It wasn't some brutal assault or something. It was by my own choice."

"It was your choice that you were _raped_? Bullshit!" Tony sat up and started pacing the room. Stephen got dizzy by just watching him. Then the full extent of the words hit him and the shook his head.

"It wasn't rape", he said very quietly. "Coercion at worst. It was my choice. I needed the money and it was the quickest and easiest way." He swallowed, feeling sick again. He forced himself to summon his tea just to have something in his hands again. He didn't drink. "My choice," he repeated.

Tony just looked at him. _If that's what you need to tell yourself to get through this so be it_ , he seemed to think. "Easy is something else. If it really had been your choice you wouldn't have flinched when I touched you." Suddenly Tony was kneeling before him and looking up. "But this is me, being pushy again. Sorry. Backing down now." He leaned back a little, presenting himself to Stephen as if to say _I'm not a threat, just look at me, being here_. Surprisingly it worked. He was able to take a deep breath again and could feel the oncoming panic attack recede a little bit. "Thank you for telling me. I'll be more careful in the future when I touch you."

When, not if. Not everything was irrevocably changed, Tony wasn't disgusted and there was still hope. One day he would ask Tony when and where he'd gone to therapy. He was far too good in getting people to get to calm down and knew when to back off - there was no way in hell the world-famous weapons dealer from eleven years ago became the man he was today without some serious help. Professional, highly paid, help from whose work Stephen now profited by proxy. He didn't feel bad about it. He probably couldn't even afford the help he really needed and this reasons for not seeking it out still stood.

Tony was still waiting for an answer. Stephen stared at his hands and refused to look up. "I would like that," he finally admitted, pushing against the wave of fear that tried to claw its way up to the surface. He was safe now and more than capable of defending himself should somebody try to take advantage of him ever again. On the edge of his vision he could see Tony come nearer. 

"Like this?" he asked as he took the cup away from him. Instead he put his steady hands over Stephen's shaking ones as if he could still their trembling by touch alone. The only feeling it caused was one of safety and warmth. "I'm here, Stephen. Anytime you need to talk, just call me."

Stephen smiled, touched by the gesture. "Thank you."

It was a start. A rather good one, considering everything. The rest would come in time.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](https://amethyst-noir.tumblr.com/post/178140981131/i-enjoyed-the-inclusion-of-tony-sort-of-whoring/).  
> Yes, I'm still playing catch up with my Tumblr. But I've almost got it.


End file.
